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Bulletin : Published
Saturday, March 16, 2002
Subject: ting ting ting.....tiffien time
Lets smile a bit
Family: A group of people , no two of whom like breakfast eggs cooked the same way.
Politician : Someone who can borrow $20, pay back $10 and declare your're even because you both lost $10.
Gossip : When you hear something you like about someone you dont.
Philosopher: "Happiness is the pursuit of something, not the catching of it."
listener :" Have you ever chased the last bus on a rainy night ?"
Used car dealer to customer : "This one has very low mileage. The former owener only drove it when he could get it started. "
Question : How many bureaucrats does it take to change a light bulb ?
Answer : Two. One to assure us that everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into a water faucet.
It's always other people ! I have ideas. They have an ideology . I have judgement. They have prejudices. I have a religion. They have superstitions. I have conviction. They have opinions. I am right. They are wrong.
wife : "I do things around the house that you aren't even aware of. "
husbend : "Like what ?"
wife: " See, I told you. "
He says - She says...........
A man is a person who, if a woman says , "Never mind, I'll do it myself" lets her.
A woman is a person who, if she says to a man, "Never mind, I'll do it myself" and he lets her , gets mad.
A man is a person who,if a woman says to him, "Never mind, I'll do it myself" and he lets her and she gets mad , says, "Now what are you mad about ?"
A woman is a person who, if she says to a man, "Never mind, I'll do it myself" and he lets her, and she gets mad, and he says, "Now what are you mad about ?" says, "If you dont know, I am not going to tell you. "
A man offered to take his friend for a ride in his new car. "What do you think of it ?" the owner asked.
"The hood is green, the door is yellow, this side is purple and the other side is blue ...", pointed out the friend " It's not an artistic triumph"
"But when I have an accident, " said the owner " I cant wait to hear the witnesses contradict each other "
....on the highway, you always get behind someone driving 45 m.p.h and ahead of someone driving 90 m.p.h ?
....that a dentist never talks to patients until the drill is in their mouth ?
woman to friend : Stanley and I have a magical relationship-whenever I ask him to do something , he disappears.
Mother to daughter ...
"What kind of a person is your new friend ? Is he respectable ?"
"Of course he is mom. He is nice, does not drink or smoke, has a very steady wife and three well-behaved children"
Two friends talking...
"My wife drives like lightning."
"You mean, as fast ? "
"No. She alwasy hits the trees."