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Bulletins Bulletin : Published and Discussed
Date: Thursday, February 21, 2002
From: kumropotash
Subject:
Re: Living Together in Bangladesh
Description:


When Maitreyi Devi and Mircha Eliad fell in love with each other in 1928, they could not consummate their love. Because the society at that time was not “ready” for marriage between people of different religions, different races! Pardeshi, are you saying that people should suppress their true feelings like Maitreyi Devi and suffer throughout their lives because the reality is backdated? Well I have a better suggestion! Why don’t we try to change the reality into something better! Society is made up of people like you and me – if we want to change, the society will change. I am aware of the reality in Bangladesh, of course there will be resistance from the conservative people. But I might not be alive in 30/40 years from now – I live in the present so this is the high time I try to achieve what I want!
bd_KonkaBoti, I wish you find TRUE love in your life and realize the difference between “prem” and “nokkhotro!” Maybe then you will become a little less cantankerous!


People Discussion
pardeshi
(Friday, February 22, 2002)

Good luck,let me know how is it in Bangladesh if you are not killed by some very upset brother of the girl you are living with.The way people are being killed there is hard to believe.You know when we were kids we fought with hands,may be hocky stick sometime.But,now our friendly neighbor sending single shot diposable gun so we can kill each other,our country really made excellent progress in the art of killing.Again good luck to you.Eid mubarak.Even though I know the importance of living together,you can feel love just by holding her hand or with a simple kiss.And when you love someone then you learn to live with their imperfections.Also,if you live with someone then there is no surprise after marriage and thats a big part of our life,finding out little bit more each day about our other half.

kumropotash
(Friday, February 22, 2002)

I agree with you pardeshi that you learn to live with the imperfections of your loved one. But the timing of learning such imperfections makes all the difference. Learning about an imperfection of your partner before marriage and after marriage are not the same! And you can rediscover your partner even after living together for many years as long as you cherish the spirit of love in you. It is not contingent upon how long two people have lived together prior to marriage. Once again, I know the reality in Bangladesh. But I would rather take the risk than giving way to social norms/values that suppress free will.



bd_KonkaBoti
(Saturday, February 23, 2002)

Now you are talking Kumropotash!

bd_KonkaBoti
(Saturday, February 23, 2002)

pardeshi, bangladeshe ajkaal onekei living together korche. aamar best friend je meyeta, seo ei lifestyle-i beche nieyche. aamar ghonishto meye collouges der moddhye besh koyjon (3/4) meyeke jaani, jara ei jeebonke beche niyeche. Porichito der moddhye 2 jonke jaani. era keu eka flat niey thake, keu nijer bashay thake. aamar best friend thake bhai-bhabi'r shathey. aamar ek collouge thake, ma baba 'r shathey eki bashay.

Bangladesher jeebon bebostha onek paalte geche, pordeshi. meyera ajkaal nijder jeebon shomporke onek beshi shahoshi decesion ney, bon der strong decision er kaache bhai er pistol kono kaaje lage na aar.

pardeshi
(Saturday, February 23, 2002)

Well I like to take risk.Its fun that way.I don't disagree with you,I like to leave some things for later.
Another thing about marriage is that its our destiny that brings two people together.Look around you and you will find out so many people got married to people they had no idea about.I can tell you some stories where my friend bought sari (trying to match with her complexion)for one girl and then end up marrying someone else,they have three kids and doing fine.My point is we can't change our destiny,we can try but it follows its course.

kumropotash
(Saturday, February 23, 2002)

Pardeshi the destiny thing is pure crap! I did not expect something like that from you! It’s barbaric to force two people into marriage without adequate prior interaction on the assumption that destiny brings them together! In case of settle marriage, the guardians are the destiny and we all know what types of factors lead them into choosing the so-called destined bride or groom (fair complexion, bank balance…give me a break!). Because of the simple rule of probability, some of these settle marriages will be successful but it should not be referred to as the proper way to choose your partner in life. Living together prior to marriage won’t guarantee successful marriage in every case but it provides the optimum solution given the uncertainties involved in choosing a partner for life.

bd_KonkaBoti
(Sunday, February 24, 2002)

living together and marriage are two different things. I wonder, why you pleople are trying to add these up?

in living together MAN don't have the same level ownership of the lady, they have after marriage. here, he is not husband, shamee and provu. He keeps it in his mind. and in living together, women are not economically dependent on men. they are not handicaped. Specially in Bangladesh context, only a self sufficient woman can go beyond the custom and society and live together with a man. so she is not a jobu thobu small little bangali girl.man who goes for a living together situation is very much aware of that. If they tend to forget, girls reminds them the fact. Housewife it self is a profession like any other job, living together is a choice. This makes a lot of difference.

kumropotash
(Sunday, February 24, 2002)

One can take the approach you have described toward living together bd_KonkaBoti but at the end of the day, whether you are a man or woman, whether or not you are financially independent – you will realize the need for companionship. The women you know who are living together now won’t have the same perspective in their 50’s or 60’s. They will want to get married and settle down if they have been living together with the same person. The same will be applicable to the men. Living together is a better option for women from the viewpoint you have talked about. It is also a better option in general for both man and woman as it helps one understand and experience marital life before tying the knot. People who successfully live together eventually get married – they are not different concepts, they are different stages of the same phenomenon.

pardeshi
(Sunday, February 24, 2002)

Kumropotash,I am not talking about settle marriage.
Kanka, how many people living together?When I say Bangladesh,I meant all its people,not just few.Financial independent for woman in Bangladesh is far from reality.
As someone who has done both living together and fall in love deeply,I can say this living together has nothing to do to make the relationship last.All you need is love,nothing else matter.

pardeshi
(Sunday, February 24, 2002)

I don't think smart people think of their wife as their property.It depends who you are talking about.Sometime we see woman giving hard time to their hubby's too.Don't just make all men look like evil,we are here on earth for only once,I think most men doing everything they can to make their wife happy.

kumropotash
(Sunday, February 24, 2002)

How many marriages in Bangladesh are settle marriages vs. your "destiny" marriages? Can you draw the conclusion based on one person's experience that living together won't enhance a marriage? I think you are contradciting yourself!

bd_KonkaBoti
(Sunday, February 24, 2002)

how many examples do you have to show living together makes marriage a fairy tale marraige??



kumropotash
(Sunday, February 24, 2002)

bd_KonkaBoti, this is what I have written earlier - “Living together prior to marriage won’t guarantee successful marriage in every case but it provides the optimum solution given the uncertainties involved in choosing a partner for life.” Please comment after reading and realizing what I am saying. Thanks.

pardeshi
(Monday, February 25, 2002)

We build our own opinion based on our experience and our surroundings.I am telling what I have seen.All three of my sisters knew their husbands before their marriage and they never lived together before they were married,they are happily married for more than twenty years.Most of my friends got married to someone they knew before and all of them are doing great.Yes sometime they had problems but they dealt with it like all of us have to deal with problem we face in our daily life.The bottom line is as we go through life we adjust ourselves as needed at work or in businesses.Same action is a must if we want to stay in any kind of relationship.

kumropotash
(Monday, February 25, 2002)

Maitreyi Devi got married to a different guy and apparently lived happily! Suppressing your own true feelings and deceiving yourself to conform to social norms/values is not a sound way of living as it restricts personal freedom.


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