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Bulletin : Published
Tuesday, September 11, 2001
Subject: humors again
Hillary Clinton died and went to Heaven. St. Peter was giving her a tour of Heaven when
she noticed that there were dozens and dozens of clocks on the wall. Each clock displayed a different time of day. When she asked St.Peter about the clocks, he replied, "We have a clock for each person on earth and every time they tell a lie the hands move. The clock ticks off one second time a lie is told." Special attention was given to two clocks. The clock belonging to Mother Teresa had never moved, indicating that she never told a lie. The clock for Abraham Lincoln had only moved twice. He only told two lies in his life. Hillary asked, "Where is Bill's clock?" St. Peter replied, "God has it in His office...He is using it as a ceiling fan."
"Hey, Mom," asked Ralph, "can you give me twenty dollars?"
mom said, "Certainly not."
"If you do," he went on, "I'll tell you what dad said to the maid when you were at the beauty shop."
His mother's ears perked up and, grabbing her purse, she handed over the money. "Well?
What did he say?"
Son said, "He said, 'Hey, Marie, make sure you wash my socks tomorrow.' "
Little Johnny's teacher was asking all the kids in the class what their parents did for a living. Little Mary got up and said, "my Dad is a pilot, and my Mommy is an architect."
"Great" said the teacher
Michael got up and said, "my Dad is a Doctor, and my Mom is a housewife."
"Good" said the teacher.
Johnny was last in the class and when he got up he said: "My Mommy, she is a substitute."
Knowing better about his background and always striving to correct the kids, the teacher said, "you mean she is a Prostitute?"
"No". Said Johnny, "my Sister, she is the Prostitute, but when she does not feel well, my Mommy substitutes."
It is near the end of the school year and the teacher has already turned in her grades. There is really not much to do. All the kids are restless because they are ready for the summer break. The teacher says, "The first person to correctly answer each question I ask may leave early." Little Johnny thinks to himself, "Good. I wanna get outta here. I'm smart. I'll answer first."
The teacher asks, "Who said 'Four score and seven years ago'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth Susie said "Abraham Lincoln."
The teacher said, "That's right, Susie. You may leave." Johnny was mad that Susie answered first.
The teacher asked, "Who said 'I have a dream'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth Mary said "Martin Luther King." The teacher said, "That's right, Mary. You may leave." Johnny was even madder that Mary answered first.
The teacher asked "Who said 'Ask not what your country can do for you'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth Nancy said "John Kennedy." The teacher said, "That's right, Nancy. You may leave."
Johnny was BOILING MAD that Nancy answered first. Then the teacher turned her back, and Johnny said, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!" The teacher said "WHO SAID THAT?"
Johnny said, "Bill Clinton. May I go now?"
The teacher in little Johnny's class said that she wanted students to make sentences with the word 'Fascinate' In a sentence. Mary said, "My family went to the New York City Zoo, and we saw all the animals. It was fascinating."
The teacher said, "That was good, Mary, but I wanted the word 'fascinate.' "
Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to the Philadelphia Zoo and saw the animals. I was fascinated."
The teacher said, "Again, that was good, Sally, but I wanted the word'fascinate.' "
Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because Johnny was noted for his bad language. She finally decided there was no way he could vulgarize the word "fascinate" so she called on him.
Johnny stood by the side of his desk and said with a smile, "My sister has a sweater with 10 buttons, but her boobs are so big, she can only fasten 8."
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question. "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun how many would be left."
"None," replied Johnny, "'cause the rest would fly away."
"Well the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you are thinking."
Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you now. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting the cone and the third was sucking the cone, which one is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone?"
"No," said Little Johnny with a sly smile, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you are thinking."
(Wednesday, September 12, 2001)
damnnnnnnnn!!!!!!!! kira kutta, tor stock-a ki ar chilo naaaaaaaaaaaaa?.......ato gulo ek sutha