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Bulletin : Published
Friday, April 25, 2003
Subject: On a dark and stormy night ...
Here's something inane from a frnd of mine who is clearly not in the job he wants to be in ... he scribbles short silly stories when he is bored and meandering ... here's one of 'em ... also attached is the original e-mail, just to give u an idea of his setting ... enjoy!!!
"As a result of my 'fluidic' attitude to my job/career, I'm doing all I can
to do as little as possible...the following 'story' took several
painstaking drafts to reach (almost) perfection...if only I put this amount
of effort into my work...
Still pree-ty busy but in general, things are pree-ty cool...the coffee no
longer tastes bitter, job satisfaction is no longer a short, medium or long
term goal, the word of the day is 'jumbo', the sun is shining here, the sky
is blue, although I do wish I was at a BBQ...here's the story:
On a dark and stormy night, a young chap is walking home. It's cold, wet
and windy...he's tired, soaked thru and freezing. Most of the streetlights
in the area are smashed and the silence is only broken by the sporadic
sound of a stray cat sifting thru a dustbin.
Then, suddenly, he hears a strange noise behind him...
Startled by this, he turns around and to his amazement, thru the driving
rain he sees the faint outline of a large box turning into the road all by
He freezes to the spot. As the box approaches from the shadows, the man
peers into the darkness to get an idea of what this thing is. As the box
comes closer he's able to make out its shape more clearly...It's a coffin.
The hairs on the back of neck prick up, sending a tingling sensation all
the way down his back. This was most unusual and anything this peculiar at
this time of night could only spell one thing, T.R.O.U.B.L.E.
On realising this the young man turns around, puts his head down and makes
a bee-line for home.
No sooner had the man turned and picked up the pace, the coffin also picks
up the pace. He could feel the coffin gaining on him so he starts to walk
faster...but the coffin follows his every move...
The coffin closes on him with his every step, he starts to jog but he hears
the coffin speed up after him...
Sheer terror and fear overwhelms the man, he starts to panic. Adrenaline
kicks in and he starts to sprint but so does the coffin...
Finally, after what seems like an eternity, he makes it to his front door
with the coffin only seconds behind. Panting out of breath he fumbles
around in his pocket looking for his keys. With cold and trembling hands
he manages to open the front door. He dives inside slamming the door
behind him. Grabbing a chair close by, he wedges it under the handle.
With his chest heaving and sweat running down his back, he slumps onto the
stairs trying to catch his breath, all the while listening for the coffin.
Nothing. Not a sound. An unearthly quiet settles on the house.
He slowly gets to his feet and creeps towards the door. Gingerly, he
places one foot in front of the other, trying not to make a sound. He
walks up to the door and gently places his ear against the door. Silence.
He breathes a sigh of relief and his shoulder muscles relax, dropping them
almost to the floor.
Now considerably at ease, he turns towards the stairs. As he steps onto
the stairs he hears two slow rasping knocks at the door. The man freezes
with fear and trepidation, muscles all tensed again and full of lactic
acid. He slowly looks over his shoulder at the door. He starts to whimper
at the thought of what's it waiting for him.
Suddenly, there's a loud crash as the coffin smashes its way thru the front
door, the chair disintegrates along with the door. The man chelps and runs
as quickly as his tired legs would carry him up the stairs and throws
himself into the bathroom. He lands in a heap, picks himself up, slams the
bathroom door shut and bolts it.
Soon enough, the coffin arrives at the bathroom door and starts to slowly
thump it. The intensity and force of the thumping increases. After 21
secs of thumping by the coffin, the bolt and the door succumbs to the evil
force. In the doorway stands the coffin, full of menace and
foreboding...slowly, it enters the bathroom...
In a last ditch attempt to save his skin and in vain hope of stopping this
madness, the man reaches into his bathroom cabinet and starts chucking
anything he can get a hold of...
He grabs a bar of Imperial Leather soap and throws it at the coffin...it
just bounces of the wooden casket and it keeps on coming at him...he grabs
a can of shaving foam and throws it, still it walks towards him...he grabs
a first aid kit and throws it...the kit richochets off the smooth veneer
but still, the coffin comes at him...
In a last gasp effort, he grabs some Benadryl cough mixture, hurls it and
suddenly the coffin stops...
(admit it, you ARE smiling)
I'm off to the dole office to sign on..."