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Bulletins Bulletin : Published and Discussed
Date: Saturday, June 22, 2002
From: p deshi
Subject:
What makes a marriage work????
Description:


Marriage is something most people want but everyone is scared of.Love and everything else is good for until two people are married. Once people start to live together and start to discover the little things about their partners that they didn't know before everything start to change.And then comes those things they have to do everyday, like cooking cleanning etc the problem starts to show up.One of the two love birds start complaining about something and at first the fight is not that bad cause still the sex is good( I hope everyone here is adult, so this doesn't bother anyone)so after each fight they make it up and everything seems even better. Two three years later that magic is gone, so now the fight gets really ugly. If they have any kids then the wife wants to leave with the kid. And these fight could start for various reasons, it could be about one of their parents or their in-laws and party and anytime the girl wants to pick a fight.I mean I saw women starting a fight slowly by saying something with a smile like she is joking, but trust me she knows what she is doing. So she srats slowly but withinn few minutes it like the colorado fire,totally out of control. I saw couples that are well known and respected in the community fighting like dogs,it scared some people so they gave up the idea of being married ever.They are not divorced or anything they are still together.Its just this is the setting that works for both of them. All the romantic bs we learn from the books has no place in real life. I can put here hundreds of stories about people who keeps a very nice appearance for the outside world but inside they hate each others guts.Some people just knows how to hide better than others. I was talking to a relative few minutes ago and she was talking about this women in her building who is getting beatup by his loving husband regularly. I told her why don't you tell her to call the police. She told me that that girls mother is sick so she doesn't want to make any noise now. I know all of young people hating this.But truth is ugly. Everyone likes that guy and to the world he is an loving husband.So many marriage is still intact because of similar reasons.And some others just made adjustment and living with it.So, loving lasting marriage is a dream that very rare in reality. I saw enough love around me to know that love only last for limited time. What people do for the rest of their life is for convenience, love got nothing to do with it.Couple start to depend on each other and they just don't want to give it up, so they live under the same room for as long as they can tolerate each other.Love is an illusion created by tricky writers. Look at all the great love stories, no couple ever lived togather in love stories because these writers knew people wouldn't by that crap as they know how long love lasts. And there is no way romio could talk to juliet like that if they were together for say twenty years.Can you think how they would fight about something silly like what to cook or something else like that. So, all the talk about love and marriage is bs, a marriage only last because people wants to be with somebody and if they can get used to living with someone they don't want to give it up. Love got nothing to do with it.And about mix marriage, same goes white men getting married to oriental women because they are good housekeepers. Our boys getting married to girls from other countries because it takes lot of time to get someone from Bangladesh to here and the boy don't know if his wife going to be there waiting for him for three years or run away with someone else, so its about conveneance too.So, people are getting married because of cultur or love is bigtime bs. How many Bangladeshi girl knows what love is.Their rules for falling in love even funnier, first the boy have to own few homes in Dhaka, without this forget about love. Then comes education, and then comes how much a he makes, then maybe looks ,and at last what kind of person he is. After checking all this then if the boy is ready to listen to her al blah blah blahs. Then you can get some love from a typical Bangladeshi girl. At leat western girls are in most cases is just looking for a nice guy only, they don't care how much money the boys parents has in Bangladesh.So, when I see people talking about love with all the excitement I just wish they knew what waiting for them is a big shock.


People Discussion
**~KonkaBoti~**
(Saturday, June 22, 2002)

WOW! Pordeshi, this is an excellent piece of work!! I do appreciate the way you put forward your arguments about marrige and love in this discussion. It made me lough, and made me think at the same time. I have to admit, I have not seen such a great discussion in BB for a long time. Thanks again.

I wish to response your posting latter. However, along with many other questions your discussion brought back a BIG question in my mind. the question is, WHAT IS LOVE?

p deshi
(Saturday, June 22, 2002)

In short Love is passion, obsession.I thought about this one word more than anything else in this world.Its a thing one has to feel for another to really know what it is.I know so many writers explained it thousands of ways but to really grasp the true meaning one has to experiance it in his/her mind.I don't think there is any other emotion that can be expressed so many ways.It must be a wonderful thing and only a lucky few will ever feel it in their lifetime. What everyone calls love is not anywhere close to the real thing.Thx.

kuashaa!!
(Saturday, June 22, 2002)

Love is Bond. Explain it in YOUR own way.

Niishii
(Monday, June 24, 2002)

very nice, pdeshi...I agree with you.

sagore
(Monday, June 24, 2002)

No marriage is a bond.To tie up someone in the name of love is wrong.If you love someone, then you have to set him/her free. Bond means obligation and love has to be unconditional,it might be hard to find but that's the kind of love I am talking about.Not " Telling someone, I love you hundred times a day, without feeling" kind of love.

**~KonkaBoti~**
(Monday, June 24, 2002)

No love is unconditional.

p deshi
(Tuesday, June 25, 2002)

Two people fall in love because they already met each other's expectations.So, to keep the love alive for a long time, they should love each other unconditionally for the rest of their life.And try to overlook each others little shortcomings or imperfections and try not to hart their loved ones ever. Just making it a priority one for the rest of their lives to make their partners happy.And never ever take your partner for granted.These are just the basic for a loving lasting relationship.I don't know if it maid any sense.

p deshi
(Tuesday, June 25, 2002)

sorry,made,not maid

heemel
(Tuesday, June 25, 2002)

Like most other things about love ... I dont know the exact meaning of the words 'taken for granted'.

But onething is for sure ... it's a key term in love ... at least to break many relationships if not to build it.

Could anybody explain it for me ... please?

p deshi
(Tuesday, June 25, 2002)

Taken for granted means, one thinking like "I got her so I don't have to be nice to her".People wants to be appreciated and if they feel like they are not, they feel unimportant.

heemel
(Wednesday, June 26, 2002)

Thanks Pardeshi.


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